8 Of The Most Dysfunctional Family Holiday Stories
Let’s face it, when it comes to holiday gatherings, there’s bound to be some drama. Maybe it’s political or perhaps it’s circumstantial, like when your aunt Rhonda drank a little too much eggnog and called your mom a “cheap ass” after raving about her couponing fetish. Whatever the case, it’s become common knowledge to expect the unexpected… or maybe even the expected. ( did any of that make sense?) ** shoulder shrug**
To ease your concern of believing that you have the most dysfunctional family, we’ve took it upon ourselves to scour the internet seas for the most hilariously dysfunctional holiday family stories (try saying that 7 times fast)
As always, Reddit did not disappoint. Here are our 8 favorite:
Your Favorite Ants
“ My mom left a turkey out to defrost the night before a thanksgiving dinner/family reunion. come sun up, it was covered in ants. She just washed it off and cooked it anyway and served it to our in-laws.”
The Easter Bunny
“My entire family, I am talking cousins, grand parents, parents, aunts, uncles gave my 8 year old cousin, "the talk".... Can not wait for the next family gathering. Also, my loving father kicked off Easter dinner by saying, "we are gathered here to give thanks and remember the Easter bunny who died for our sins in that horrible horrible helicopter crash".... pure horror at the young cousins place at the table....”
"My uncle got drunk on Christmas eve, threw up on the tree and passed out under it. It was quite a surprise the next morning."
"I grew up in the bible belt of Georgia and my favorite is the time when I was 8 and my step-mother got drunk and told me there was no Santa Claus 2 weeks before Christmas. I went to school and told all my friends. I felt I had uncovered a great truth, and that every kid I knew deserved to know how we were being lied to.
My parents got so many calls from angry families that I had to stand up in front of the whole school at a specially held assembly and tell them I was lying "because Santa only delivers presents to good boys and girls who believe and I just wanted them to doubt him so I could have all the presents for myself".
"This one was from a former coworker.
With Christmas approaching he was talking to his family and they wanted him to visit for the holiday. He was a bit surprised since they all typically meet up at Grandma's.
He asked and there was an awkward silence. Apparently grandma died that Spring. They didn't tell him because they didn't want to impact his finals, and then I guess they forgot. Awkward."
"When I was about 7 or 8 years old, we went out to the family farm for thanksgiving. It was a dairy farm but there were chickens on the loose too. My dad told me it would be ok for me to chase the chickens because there was no way I could catch one. I was so intent on proving him wrong that I paid no attention when the chicken (flapping its wings) crossed a large area of muck. I was running at top speed sunk up to my waist before I couldn't move anymore and started sinking up to my neck. What I later found out was that they would hose down the cow shed occasionally and all the runoff would pool into a large pond of diarrhea. I was screaming for my life (still sinking) and my dad was laughing hysterically on the shore. Eventually my AUNT put on the hip waders and dragged me out before I drowned in cow diarrhea, and hosed me off by the barn. I'm 28 years old now and that story is still told at every family dinner EVER"
This Is What Nightmares Are Made Of
"How about one of my earliest childhood memories: waking up early Christmas morning and running downstairs, to find my parents passed out naked on the living room floor where they apparently had decided to have sex after we all got back from a drunken Christmas Eve at Grandma's house.
I was horrified and crept back upstairs to lay awake in my bed until I heard noises downstairs. Slowly I went back downstairs. My mother was putting presents under the tree (thankfully en-bathrobed). In a raspy, hungover voice she told me "Go back upstairs, Santa hasn't finished yet."
Sadly, that was not the last time I saw my mother naked on Christmas."
"Hey, almost like my worst Thanksgiving with my family. My dad ran over his girlfriend's foot and got arrested the night before Thanksgiving. My mom, not aware that he HAD a girlfriend, had to bail him out. He was pretty quiet at dinner and mom kept breaking into tears before calling him a bastard and leaving the table. Then we all got yelled at to clean the kitchen."